You can't special order awesome
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
