Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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