Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
