Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
