just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
