So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were trust falling into bushes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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