My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Boobs are out for the taking
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
