He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
