omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
