Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
