Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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