you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
