Got a toothbrush?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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