ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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