he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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