Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
