Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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