I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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