i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
