Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're too hungover to prance.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
