So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
