i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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