There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
