don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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