You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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