Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
