Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
