So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
