nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
