He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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