tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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