Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
