She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
