I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
