Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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