Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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