The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
