I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
