i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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