Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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