I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How external is "for external use only"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
