everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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