Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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