Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
