I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
