Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
