Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
