What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
