Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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