Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
