I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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