i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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