There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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