Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
