There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
