watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
