so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
