I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well you can't waste a boner
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
