The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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