Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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