okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
