i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My balls are so social today.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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